Insanely Sophisticated
by Quietus
Summary: Ned, a resident at a psychiatric facility, can read minds...but sometimes the mind is a horribley dangerous thing...
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim, how silly for you to think that ^-^.  
  
A/N: Ah, well, back to writing fics on FF.net after a 'short' vacation.hope you all like it!  
  
Most call me Ned. Some call me Nerdo. Some call me Chicken Butt. I don't know why they call me chicken but. They just do. I wear one sock, one purple sock. I'm currently enlisted in the North Psychiatric Institute, and, oh, what a story I have for you my friend.  
  
It all started when my inmate began picking in between his toes.no, wait, it started at lunch. I was in line to get some chesty hot dogs; my favorite breakfast. But it had to be on that day that THING walked past me.  
  
"What da ya want?"  
  
"What do you have?"  
  
"Beans. Cheesy hot dogs. Water."  
  
"Quite a selection."  
  
"M'yep."  
  
"Do you have any-"  
  
"No."  
  
"How about-"  
  
"No."  
  
"I didn't even say anything yet!"  
  
"No."  
  
They think I need to be in here? Take a look at these monkeys!  
  
"Can I have a cheesy hot dog?"  
  
She put one onto my plate, and I swore I saw an eyeball in it.  
  
"Next!"  
  
I trudged off to my usual spot next to Behememall, my inmate and close friend. Close as in he always sits right next to me, watching me eat, always watching! There's no doubt that he belongs here.  
  
"Whatcha got here?"  
  
"Hot dog."  
  
"Cheesy?"  
  
"M'yep."  
  
"Looks good."  
  
Behememall never eats lunch; I don't know what he lives off of, though I've seen him gnawing on rats before.  
  
That's when it happened; I read his thoughts. Oh, did I mention this: I can read minds. Most people here have only craziness in their minds; I hardly pay attention. But this mind was different; more annoying, it seemed, and louder.but it was the words that caught me.  
  
'.Then blow up the Earth! How SMART of me! The human worms won't know what hit them! Bwahahahahaha!'  
  
It was a green boy, and a dog drinking a slushee! Now, I don't know what kinds of things dogs can do now days, but C'mon, who ever drinks the chocolate bubblegum kind?  
  
'INGENIUS! I'll call the Armada..the tallest.Irk will appreciate me, Irken invader Zim!'  
  
I dropped my lunch and listened, hard.  
  
"Eh, Ned, can I have that? Okay." Behememall picked it up and stuffed the hot dog into his pocket.  
  
'.Kill them all!.Dib human.ergh.chicken! Bwahahahaha!"  
  
Thoughts tumbled in and out of the green kids brain, and I listened, and I knew that Earth was doomed.I had to save it.  
  
"No!" The alien kid had turned a corner and was out of mind and sight.  
  
"Time to go Chicken Butt. C'mon, let's move!" I followed the gray suited guy out into the hall, heading towards my cellar.  
  
"Aliens! They're coming soon!" I tried to tell 'im.  
  
"Uh, yeeeeeeaaahhhh." The guy muttered, then picked his nose and threw me into my padded cell.  
  
"They're coming!" I said to myself.  
  
As the guy walked off, I heard him think, '.weasels.'.  
  
After sitting in my cell for awhile, I made a plan. It was crazy, but it just might work.it just might!  
  
Behememall came in soon afterward, his strait jacket on tight. I would need him, too. Yes, with my craziness, and Behememall's craziness, this just might work! 


	2. Chapter TWO!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zimmy!  
  
A/N: Okay, in the last chappie I forgot to mention: when Ned was reading Zim's mind, Zim was outside the mental hospital. Just thought I should mention that ^-^. Anyway, here's another chapter, it's in Behememall's POV. Enjoy!  
  
Insanely Sophisticated  
  
"Um kay. So what do I do again?"  
  
"You. Start. Having. A fit. With me so far? Then. You. Steal. The. Keys. Or at least try to. Got that?"  
  
"Oh. Hey, where's my hot dog?"  
  
I searched my pockets for the cheesy goodness that is the hot dogs.sometimes I use the cafeteria food to attract rats! Now, where did I put that hot dog?  
  
"HELLLLOOOOOOOOO!" A voice rang out from the little window in me and Ned's cell.  
  
I turned and saw my hot dog FLYING! No, wait, something was holding it.  
  
I ran to the window and grabbed my precious back.  
  
"Whatcha doin'?" the voice asked.  
  
"We're just trying to break Ned outta here so he can save the world from inevitable DOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM."  
  
"Ooohhh.I like doom!" the voice answered.  
  
"Hey, Behememall, this was the dog that was with that ALIEN!" Ned said to me.  
  
"I know whatchoooo want." The voice from the window rang. Then a pair of keys came flying the window.  
  
Ned grabbed the keys.  
  
"YAY! Now, you give me tha hot dog!"  
  
I was appalled.  
  
"No way!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"No."  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Give 'im the god damned hot dog, Behememall!"  
  
"On my wife's grave!"  
  
"You don't have a wife!"  
  
"Or do I?"  
  
That question made all of us consider for a moment.  
  
Suddenly, the thing in the window snatched the hot dog out of my hands.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"NICE DOIN' BUSINESS WITH YA! I GODDA GO NOW, BYE!"  
  
Then it was gone. IT TOOK MY HOT DOGGIE!!!  
  
"Behememall, let's break outta here!"  
  
"Right now?"  
  
"Yes'um!"  
  
"Neato!"  
  
I was happy that I didn't have to throw a fit. But how did that dog obtain the keys? Oh well, we were heading outta here, after almost twenty years. Twenty years.  
  
That night, Ned and me took the keys and unlocked the door. We crept out into the hall, then down the main stairs. So close. It was right there, the door was. Then.  
  
"Eh, whatta you two doin' out here?"  
  
"Ah, we are, um, cleaning ladies! Yes! We come to clean!"  
  
"Okay." The guard walked off.  
  
"Whew." I sighed, and Ned and me walked right out the door, as if it was natural.  
  
Little did we know the horrors that awaited us in the world. 


	3. Chapter THREE!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim, duh! And I don't own the song milkshake by that person. Can't remember the name ^-^.  
  
A/N: Another chapter ^-^. This one's in Zim's and Gaz's POV.  
  
(Zim's POV)  
  
"Gir, record this song!"  
  
"Yes, master!"  
  
I figured if I am to act HUMAN, I will have to listen to what they call music.  
  
"Doot doot, ma milkshake brings all tha boys to tha yard, and their life, it better that yours; damn right, it better that yours, I can teach ya, but I'll have ta charge!" Gir was singing to the song.  
  
Ergh, that SONG!  
  
"Silence Gir!"  
  
"Can I sing tha Thong Song?"  
  
"NO."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
If the Tallests hadn't told me it was advanced, I would have thought it stupid. Gir belongs on Earth. I don't. That's why, I'm conquering Earth tomorrow with my INGENIOUS plan!  
  
"Come, Gir. We have work to do!"  
  
Gir opened up his head and retrieved a hot dog from it.  
  
"Where did you get that?"  
  
"Hmmm. Uhhhm. Uh, I DON'T REMEMBER!"  
  
Advanced my Irken butt.  
  
(Gaz's POV)  
  
My stupid brother. If dad hadn't told me not to mess with him, it would be the spork for him. Rambling on and on.  
  
"Blah blah! Blah blah blah blah, BLAH!"  
  
He WILL die.  
  
"Hey, hey Gaz, look over there!"  
  
To shut him up, I looked. A guy with a purple sock walked out, turned, and pulled another guy out onto the street. They both look crazy.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Don't you see? Their escaped mental patients! They're wearing prison clothes!"  
  
"You should be in there."  
  
With that, I took hold of his stupid cloak and pulled him to the door of the mental institution.  
  
"What are you doing Gaz?"  
  
"Taking you to your new home."  
  
"What? Wait, Gaz, what are we doing?"  
  
I walked up to the front desk.  
  
The lady said, "Hellllllloooooooooo!."  
  
"My brothers crazy. I'm signing him up here."  
  
"What? Gaz, stop this!"  
  
"Oooooookay, his name?"  
  
"I'm not crazy!"  
  
"Dib."  
  
"Ooookay, we'll take him from here, sweetie!"  
  
I growled, but wasn't mad long as two guards came to take Dib away. I waved.  
  
"Gaz! You're making a mistake!"  
  
I decided to celebrate by buying pizza. 


	4. Chapter FOUR!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim, WHY CAN'T I OWN HIM?  
  
A/N: Finally updated! Enjoy! BTW, this is in Ned's POV.  
  
Insanely Sophisticated  
  
(Ned's POV)  
  
"Gee, the world looks so different!"  
  
"It's so, it's so, CLEAN!"  
  
Behememall and I walked out into the street and onto the sidewalk. Behememall took a piece of gum off the bottom of his shoe and stuck it in his coat pocket.  
  
"Hey, remember when Legolas BREATHED? It was SO COOOOL!"  
  
Two girls walked past me, talking about SOMETHING.  
  
"OH YEAH, that was the BEST part!"  
  
Behememall looked into a shop window, where inside two mechanical dolls danced and sang a song.  
  
"I love those little guys!"  
  
"Come on Behememall, we've got little precious time before that thing takes over the Earth!" I pulled 'im away from the shop window, and we began walking.  
  
Ten minutes later, we were still walking. Behememall kept stopping by shop windows and watching things do, um, things.  
  
"Hey Ned, look at the chicken guy!"  
  
A little TV sat in one window, and on it a guy was saying: "PLEASSSSE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BY THE CHICKEN!!!! NOOOWWWW!"  
  
"We HAVE to buy the chicken!"  
  
"No, we don't, Behememall, we don't even have any money on us!"  
  
Behememall and I went inside the next store over from the TV store, where the two girls were.  
  
"HEY CANDICE! Look at this SHIRT! It has Legolas's FACE on it! I MUST HAVE IT!"  
  
"I thought we were gonna use tha money to buy ice cream!"  
  
"DO YOU THINK I WOULD SPEND MY MONEY ON ICE CRAP? I NEED TO BUY THE SHIRT! I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDD IT!" the girl then went over into a corner of the store and began to eat the shirt.  
  
"Okay, then, you do that." The other girl mumbled.  
  
"EXCUSE me, person! I need money to buy chicken!"  
  
"Huh?" the girl stared at Behememall. I thought 'e was going to rob the store, but this was a much more easier plan.  
  
"MONEY! GIMME!"  
  
"OH MY GOSH! I'M BEING ROBBED! HELP ME!"  
  
"Hey (snort) sir, what do you think your doing? (snort)" the cash register guy asked.  
  
"I NEED MONEY FOR CHICKEN!"  
  
"Move (snort) along, sir."  
  
With that, Behememall took the two dollars at fifty cents that the girl was holding, and jumped into the glass window, which broke.  
  
"And I suppose YOU are gonna rob me to?" the girl glared at me, and I ran off to get Behememall and get the HECK outta there.  
  
"You know, there was a door." I said to Behememall as he brushed the glass off of himself. He took out the gum he had put in his pocket earlier, and began to chew it.  
  
"SO, where's tha chicken place?" He asked me. I shrugged, and we continued to walk. As we walked, we went past two very fat ladies, a poodle, three dancing monkeys, a grasshopper, an ice cream shop, and a sad clown before we reached a sock store.  
  
"GASP, It's a SOCK STORE!" Behememall ran in before I could stop 'im.  
  
"Jesus cookies!" I muttered, and followed him in. Behememall looked as if he were a kid in a chocolate store. He went around sniffing several sock racks, trying to find a pair he liked.  
  
I was just about to tell him we had to find the aliens hide out place, when by PURE coincidence, there 'e was, the green bastard!  
  
"YOU!" I muttered, then started toward the thing, ready, if necessary, to smother him with a sock. 


	5. Chapter FIVE!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim! DAMN THESE DISCLAIMERS!  
  
A/N: Updated! (Mostly 'cause my friend FORCED me to. But also partly 'cause I wanted to ^-^) Thankies for all the reviews, guys! Oh, I noticed something in the first chapter. When I went to write cheesy hotdogs the first time, I accidentally wrote chesty. Anyway, Enjoy!  
  
(Dibs POV)  
  
"I'm telling you, I'm NOT supposed to be here! Do I look like I belong here?" I said to the guard.  
  
"Does someone need to take an extra dosage of his medication? Open wide!" the guard shoved some pills down my throat.  
  
"Good boy! Now, stop acting crazy!" the guard walked off.  
  
"Ugh." The pills made me feel all squishy. Huh? What was that? A giant green Legolas monster!  
  
"You're just imagining it. It's the pills." I said to myself. I looked up, and the Legolas monster began to chew on the plastic door of my cell.  
  
The door came off, and I moved to one side as the giant green Legolas monster tried to get in. He finally succeeded, and sat down.  
  
"So." He said.  
  
"Uh, so."  
  
"How's it going?"  
  
"Just great. You?"  
  
"Oh, I'm fine. You know, the funniest thing happened to me yesterday. I was reading this story on this website, and it just HAPPENED to be about me, isn't that funny?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Do you know what the story was about?"  
  
I said no.  
  
"It was quite interesting, actually. You see, me and Gimlie had an apartment in New York-"  
  
"Never mind, I REALLY don't wanna know." I muttered.  
  
"Well, I gotta go. Things to do, people to see, you know."  
  
"Yes, of course. Thanks for, uh, eating the door."  
  
"Anytime!" The Legolas monster flew out the door again. I was beginning to think I really WAS crazy until I noticed that the door REALLY wasn't there.  
  
I looked around for the guards, but the halls were empty.  
  
"Hey, psst, big haired one." I turned around, and saw a lady with a sombrero.  
  
"Uh, yes?"  
  
She looked behind her, then beckoned me closer. I stepped closer.  
  
"Come closer." She whispered.  
  
"Closer."  
  
Step.  
  
"Closer."  
  
Step.  
  
"Closer."  
  
Step.  
  
"Closer."  
  
"I can't go closer, the doors in the way!"  
  
"Oh. I have a PROPHOCEY for ye boy!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
She looked around again.  
  
"Boy, don't ye be messin' with that Ned fellow, ya heer me?"  
  
"What? Who's Ned?"  
  
"Stay AWAY! I'm warnin' ya, he's not right, tha' fellow. He's got a mind. HE CAN HEER YOU MAN! STAY AWAY!"  
  
"Okay, lady, I gotta go." I backed away, then started to run toward the front of the building. As I ran, I heard her say, "AWAY! AWAY! (cough) AWAY!"  
  
Freak. 


End file.
